B Laban Just Made a Dubai Chocolate Burger

It is with great journalistic responsibility - and a mild stomach ache - that I report the following breaking development in Egypt’s dessert arms race: B Laban has released… a Dubai Chocolate Burger.

For those unfamiliar with B Laban, it’s Egypt’s premier purveyor of post-dairy delirium, a place where basbousa and molten Lotus are treated with the same architectural ambition as a Renzo Piano museum. In the past, they've brought us many concoctions and creations that exist in that glorious zone between invention and felony. But this - this burger - feels like their final Pokémon evolution.

Let’s unpack the crime scene. Nestled between two innocent-looking chocolate buns lies a patty of mystery. Is it chocolate? Is it halawa? Is it existential dread? No one knows. There are sauces, plural. There's a drizzle of what might be chocolate syrup or the tears of confused grandmothers. It’s stacked, layered, and sauced with the confidence of a kitchen that’s watched way too many Dubai food reels.

Because that’s the real twist here. B Laban, our beloved local dessert anarchist, has clearly caught a case of Dubai Dessert Syndrome™—a highly contagious condition involving gold leaf, vertical plating, and an unhealthy reliance on Nutella. Symptoms include the urge to name everything a “bomb,” “lava,” or “volcano,” regardless of structural integrity.

Now, is it good? That’s beside the point. What matters is that it exists. In short, we’ve crossed the Rubicon. And the Rubicon is made of molten chocolate and is topped with a fried kunafa ring.